Every kid has had to write a college entrance essay. Even high school drop outs write one the day before they forsake school for an exciting life of teenage pregnancy and gas station employment. Their overzealous guidance counselor, who's convinced that they're just a "misunderstood kid with a rough upbringing" force them to do it. "It's OK that you have a D- average Johnny; you can still college!" By college they mean Community College of course, or what I prefer to call "the next two years of high school." I was going to go back and fix my fucked up sentence, but I just realized that using "college" as a verb is more awesome than fake tits. You don't even know what I'm talking about, do you. So how's your associates degree in "General Studies" going? Good? That's good to hear. I'm glad.
It's true though that you can sell your brilliant college entrance essay online, as well as every single tangible or intanible thing ever. I once saw an auction on ebay for nothing. "I'm selling nothing! Absolutely nothing! Minimum bid $5.00. Free shipping!" I thought it was pretty stupid so I only bid eight bucks. You can't beat free shipping. But when it comes to buying a college entrance essay online, you're involving yourself in a pretty risky venture. Ignore, for a minute, the fact that you have to be pretty fucking stupid to not know why you want to go to college, unless the only thing you can honestly think of is "because if I don't, my dad said he would remove my skin and wear it like a cape." Assuming that you believe you have absolutely no hope of getting in to your school of choice without ripping off someone else's words, you still run into the following potential scenario:
Dean: "So, Johnny, it says on your essay that you want to study here because it offers a challenging environment where you can enrich and cultivate yourself to prepare you for a life of success and happiness the way only Harvard can. Is that right?"
Johnny: "That's, uhhh... yeah, totally, um, that's what I wrote. Yeah."
Dean: "This is Smith."
Johnny: "What?"
Dean: "Smith College."
Johnny: "What did--"
Dean: "Harvard."
Johnny: "Well, can I--"
Dean: "Get out."
Johnny: "Fuck."
I tried to apply to Smith as well. Although in my case I was rejected because I have a penis.
Whores.
~Fuzzy
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