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Tribulations: Part Ultimate

And so it concludes. The adventure no doubt continues, but it passes beyond the realm of comic depiction. What happens between OJ and hungpony08? Perhaps they move to Massachusets and get married. But probably not. In fact, most likely nothing happens. Real life is boring. If it was on MTV, OJ would wake up with his boss humping his leg. Since it's real life though, it just passes into the domain of a mildly entertaining anecdote about how OJ's "asshole friend cybered my boss."

An important lesson can be gathered from this story. We people tend to get our friends into all sorts of crazy shit. The only thing we offer by way of apology is a half-hearted attempt to make our friend feel better, and even that generally backfires. Like last night is a great example. First of all I tried to put half a can of beer into someone's mailbox. This wouldn't have been a big deal if I hadn't done it in full view of the person who lived there, who stood on his porch and watched incredulously as I tried to jam the half full tin can into his mailbox. Now at this point I was pretty drunk so I don't entirely recollect what the guy said, but I know it had something do with "commiting a federal felony." My apt response was pointing accusingly at OJ and then scurrying off into some bushes. Later on when he pointed out that I almost got him arrested, I apologized by saying, "yeah, haha, that was pretty funny."

Then, at a later point, he took me to a party, which is always a bad idea if he hopes to keep any of his other, better adjusted friends. The first thing I did was convince him that it would be heroic to climb out onto the roof and piss onto people as they walked out the front door. I have to make a brief aside to point out that when OJ and I are both drunk, we'll always agree with every single suggestion either one of us comes up with. For example, he once told me to go into the kitchen of a restaurant and take their whole frier of delicious french fries. I would have succeeded too if I hadn't been spotted by 20 assholes and the manager. Bad timing I guess. Anyway, we attempted to climb onto the roof, but some random do-gooder cunt decided that I was trying to end my life so she dragged me back saying "it's not worth it, you have so much to live for!" Had she known me better, she would have pushed me instead.

I don't really have a moral to the story. I guess... uh.... don't eat Taco Bell right before playing beer pong.

~Fuzzy

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