Jack not name, Jack JOB!
Submitted by CalamityJon on July 20, 2009 - 13:40
This was the question of the evening at pal Adam Watson's superbly-catered and awesomely-attended birthday party this Saturday, and it was: Which Muppet would you make out with?
Let's say all Sesame Street, Muppet Show and Fraggle Rock characters are valid, as well as any of Henson's TV commercial and special Muppets (for those of you with a hard-on for the La Choy Dragon, for instance), as well as a limited number of creatures from The Storyteller, Labyrinth and Dark Crystal. Farscape is mostly people in makeup, as I understand it, and this is for Muppets only. Save your Farscape selections for an equally uncomfortable post further down the road.
Popular answers from the evening included Rowlf the Dog (multiple times. Rowlf is popular. He is a ladykiller), Gonzo, Snuffleupagus, Zoe, Grover (rescinded), Beeker (consider the lip action, ladies), all of the Goblins at Labyrinth at once, and, repeatedly from several responses, Janice, the sloe-eyed blonde headcase from Dr.Teeth's Muppet Show house band. I realize that these folks were primarily picking the first kind-of human-like female Muppet they could think of, but nonetheless - Janice strikes me as an unwise choice, inasmuch as you could end up with a killer case of Muppet Crabs (or, colloquially, "Cruppets") or, failing that, Doozers.
For my part, I have to go with Sweetums, the giant hobo ogre whose outlandish appearance and gargantuan size belie a tender nature (I got that description from the Muppet Wiki). Sweetums strikes me as a gentle lover. I bet he's a cuddler. I bet in the morning, he's one of those "H-i-ii there, you" kind of guys. "Want to do something later today?" he asks in his gruff bellow, "Maybe want to get ice cream at park? Okay, me see you at three!"
So, how about you, LiveJournal reader: Which Muppet would you make out with? I've heard good things about Bert ...