G.I. Joekemon: Gotta Catch â€˜em All
Submitted by Howard Tayler on August 11, 2009 - 10:43
I saw G.I. Joe last night with my brother. When the Joe snowmobiles popped out of the Joe VTOL he laughed, turned to me and said â€œso many vehicles.â€ And that was before the big fighter-sub dogfight, during which we repeatedly hummed the Cheat Commandos â€œBuy All Our Playsets And Toysâ€ theme. (Itâ€™s okay, though. We were in the handicapped seating so the â€œseatsâ€ next to us were empty slots for wheelchairs.)
I havenâ€™t been to WalMart recently. Is there an entire aisle of new G.I. Joe toys coming off of this film?
My expectations were pretty low, and the movie was pretty campy, but I had a great time. Listening to my heart here and asking myself at which of these films was I having the most fun, hereâ€™s where it fits in:
1. Star Trek
3. Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
4. Terminator: Salvation
5. Angels & Demons
6. G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra
7. Transformers: ROTF
8. Land of the Lost
9. Night at The Museum 2
The threshold of disappointment is somewhere betweenÂ #6 and #7. Transformers definitely disappointed. Joe came close, but cleared the bar.
The chase scene in Paris was big fun. Michael Bay could learn a lot by watching that scene. It was comprehensible! It told a story! But stuff still blew up with big crunchings!
I laughed pretty hard when the self-destruct mechanism (not a spoiler â€” come on, you know thereâ€™s going to be one) results in icebergs coming off the bottom of the polar ice-cap and sinking to crush the base (okay, that WAS a spoiler. Sorry!) I can buy into a submarine that looks like a fighter jet, because technology maybe could do that. But if the filmmakers are going to change something as basic as the density of solid water they should offer an explanation. Ice really, really, REALLY wants to float, and anybody who has ever made a cold drink knows that.
Looking back at this list you may see what appear to be inconsistencies. The list is not about â€œhow good the movie was,â€ itâ€™s aboutÂ answering the question â€œhow much fun did you have at the show?â€ It has nothing whatsoever to do with re-watchability. Iâ€™d probably rent Wolverine, but never Night at the Museum 2Â or Land of the Lost.