Ya know what I don't get. Everyone I talk to, is sick of celebrity nonsense. But that's all the news seems to report. Why? Do we say the opposite of what we mean? The latest is, Mission Impossible star Cruise vows to eat placenta after birth. Tom Cruise yesterday revealed his latest bizarre mission..to eat his new baby's placenta.

"And scientifically it is proven. Now there are medical research papers that say when a woman's giving birth everyone should be quiet. We've been studying what a woman goes through. What happens to her body. It's just kind of becoming this fun game of learning."

A fun game of learning? Oh man, where do I start? He's even been carrying out his own ultrasound scans on a machine he bought. What the fuck for? I wonder what it's like to have so much money, you could buy an ultrasound machine?

If you've made it this far, you have more patients than I do. I'm fucking tired of up to the minute status reports about shit that doesn't matter. If I could ask the big computer in the sky any question, I'd ask: Why in the world did Tom leave Nicole Kidman? Although, now that I've given it a moments thought, it's probably the other way around. She probably left is crazy ass.

But, he isn't the first to make a meal out of his baby's placenta. Rod Stewart took home his baby's placenta, sprinkled it with tee tree oil, and buried it in the garden. Channel 4 chef Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall fried a placenta with shallots and garlic and served it up to 20 guests, including the baby's mum and dad.

Holy fucking nutcases... I mean, I've seen animals on the discovery channel eat the placenta. But, they are wild animals, and it serves an actual purpose, which I've forgotten. I can't remember the last time I saw a cow, fryin up placenta shallots.

Ya know how when large families get together for a reunion? Does the Cruise clan skip the potatoe sack race and go right to the FearFactor stunts?