Why I Deserve A Million WCCAs
Submitted by The William G on May 9, 2006 - 23:06
For the last couple of years I've granted you all my considerable wisdom on the comics that should win the Web Cartoonist's Choice Awards! (It doesnt count without the exclamation point) But this year, I've decided to play up to my detractors' claims about me and tell you just why (even though I've never said anything along these lines) my comics are better than everyone else's. And more importantly, since the nomination round is about to begin, why I deserve to win all of the WCCAs I can get.
Let's do it by category:
Outstanding Newcomer - Have you read the comic before? If not, it's new to you!
Outstanding New Character Design Ã¢â‚¬â€œ Look at this page. Ladies, form an orderly line, please.
Outstanding Environment Design - Um, the apocalypse. Hello?
Outstanding Story Concept- Bang Barstal is a guy who hits things in a post-apocalyptic world with a magical baseball bat. This Pulitzer-level stuff here, people.
Outstanding Fantasy Comic - It's got an elf, dammit!
Outstanding Superhero/Action Comic - Bang hits something, it blows up. ACTION!
Outstanding Character Writing - Can you deny "Sweet Elvis Presley!" as a clear and concise way to get to the heart of a character? No you can not.
Outstanding Writer - Go find me the other post-apoc webcomics starring a balding redneck with a magical baseball bat. When the sun goes nova because so much time has passed because there ain't any others, I'll be sitting here safe in a glittering sphere of originality.
Outstanding Artist - Look at this page. Look at it. It's a wormy nightmare about to throw down. Who else could have thought to have done this? No one.
Outstanding Comic- This award is a given considering all of the truths outlined above.
And while we're at it: Americans, write me in as your candidate of choice in the 2008 presidential elections. I may not be American, but unlike the others, I'll be honest about when I lie to you.
Vote for me! It'll set you free!