Damonkey Business: It’s Not You, It’s Me…

"It’s Not You, It’s Me…"

Darling, I think it’s time for us to break up.

It’s nothing that you’ve done, honest. In fact, these last two years have been wonderful.

When I first met you, it was love at first sight. You were this cute little number all wrapped up with baby blue intentions, bursting with the life and energy of a new idea. You stood there, waiting for the right person to come along and let the creative juices spurt. And, oh, how we’ve spurted.

We’ve had so many good times… remember the time we had angry mobs with pitchforks and flaming e-torches chasing us for speaking our minds? And how about all those wonderful nights curled up in conversation, discussing the new and the old, the innovative and the mainstream, the business and the fun of it all? We talked, and our words traveled all over. We talked, and people listened.

We were the King and Queen of the Prom, you and I – people would look at us and say nice things, and prolly even mean most of them, too.

I’ll admit: some of my best memories of you will always involve the children. Those who we fostered and nurtured from inexperienced but willing scribblers into accomplished journeyman writers, those who were little wunderkinds from the start, those whose eyes lit up as brightly as yours do whenever we whispered that wonderful word…


But I’m afraid that I have a shocking secret, darling.

While you were out there speaking to the masses each week, I was also secretly communicating with another behind your back. And I can’t lie – I’m in love with her, too. At first, it was a long distance thing, but this Spring, I actually went and moved her into this little Love Shack I have in the West End, and we’ve been snuggling each other’s brains out like bunnies ever since.

But that’s not all… this woman and I, we’re a little kinky, see. We each have our own other lover, and we’re kinda enjoying a steamy little ménage à quatre right now. In fact, these LOVERS of ours? They’re the ones who introduced us to one another, and there’s been no turning back since.

Funny thing, though – while a ménage à quatre is fine, I’m afraid that we’re just not kinky enough to allow for a fifth wheel. And I just can’t bring myself to let go of this new groove I’ve got going on here.

I really didn’t mean for it to end like this, darling. If anything, you will always be one of my most cherished and happiest memories. The things we’ve done together fill me with joy, with a sense of accomplishment, with happiness.

And as I leave you, please believe me when I tell you that it’s got nothing to do with you. You are a BEAUTIFUL creature. You are full of life, of love, of talent, of personality. You are gorgeous, and you are certainly damned sexy. It’s not going to be easy for me to keep my horny paws off of you, I can tell you that right now.

I know that you’ll do fine without me, too. Hell, I was prolly dragging you down, especially these last few months. Yeah, you’re definitely better off without me, and I suspect that you’ll have all sorts of willing suitors willing to take my place. Lord knows that you’ll always be the popular one, and that all our mutual friends will likely hang around more with you than with me down the road. That’s okay, though. You deserve them, and they need you a heckuva a lot more than they need me.

So, yeah. Comixpedia, I’m breaking up with you.

Of course, I hope that you’ll still want to be friends.

I promise I’ll write.

(at least once a month)


  1. Sorry to see you go! But good luck with all your other ventures. I look forward to seeing more of where your little hobby takes you.

  2. The hyperlink in the bottom bio that reads “darling wife” is pointing to damonk.com .

    Better not come home without flowers tonight!

    Even your “Dear John” letters are funny and enjoyable to read. I would lift a glass to the strength and courage it took to admit that you are human and can’t do it all (at least, not right now), but it’s on’y 8:40 AM here, and I don’t start my serious drinking until 10 at the earliest.

    See ya in the funny pixels!

  3. *orders flowers immediately*

    oopsie! O_o

    (and thanks for the kind words, Todd)

  4. I’ll miss you guys, too, but I promise to stick around in the background and bitch and moan like the old geezer I am… you’ll never get rid of me completely! ^_~

  5. And a happy good riddance to you, too, you young hack!

    (Umm, that *is* some sort of polite cultural greeting from Arinoza, right Right?)

  6. You know, I was thinking about it the other day, I’m pretty sure Framed is actually the webcomic I’ve been reading longer than any other. In fact, it was one of my early introductions to webcomics. Not the very first — but everything else I was reading from that time has either ended (like 1/0) or lost my interest.

  7. Good bye, fare well, auf wiedersehn, adieu…
    Sad to see you go.


    Is it something I did? I promose I`ll change!

    Seriously, I stay internetless for a couple of days and the world turns upside down? This is just like The Twilight Zone!

    Makes me sad to see you go, Damonk 🙁

  9. Geez. I didn’t even see this one coming!

    We’re gonna miss ya, Damonk. My two favourite two columns on Comixpedia are Damonkey Business and I Hate You All.

    Dalton Wemble had better not leave now!

    But thanks Damonk, for all the entertaining you’ve done us all this time. I’ll be looking for to those guest articles of yours!

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